Hotel reviewers needed – apply within!

After spending eight days on the Carnival Miracle with world class dinners and room care, I may be a little tainted but please read on.

Today is our 10th day of travels afield and our second day in Orlando Florida. Saturday started crystal clear with a high of 72F, so the weather is not adding to my negative position (unlike last night). We had an opportunity to drive around town, hit a very large Flea Market, a mall and comic book store that I use to frequent when I was in the Navy. And yes, she bought me a Cylon Toaster shirt (she knew what it was and what show it was referenced in, my doll is a geek).

Back to the hotel.

We chose to just stay at a cheap place so we could putter around town while waiting to check-in at Disney. Following my normal approach, I went to hotels.com and searched based on location and sorted by price and rating. After reading some reviews and looking at the available photos of the hotel, I chose one that I thought was a great value (meaning, cheap and rated high). Well, as I stated above, my tweet last night says it all.

My biggest problem is that the people who obviously fill out the reviews are either use to a lower standard than I am or they lack a complete grasp on reality. The average rating is a 3.1 (out of 5.0) for a two star hotel is pretty normal compared to hotels in the area (average of 3.8).

Now where the review falls on its face:

• There is no wireless internet in the room (only in the hotel lobby, next to the desk)
• If that’s satellite TV, they need to consider upgrading to one that circles the planet, since the picture quality looked like they were jacking it from the neighboring hotel.
• There was indeed a safe in the room, but someone had long ago drilled out the lock and damaged it beyond use. Not sure if you should be marketing the room with that feature.
• I love the “Accessibility equipment for the Deaf” statement, since due to the high level of 24×7 traffic on I-Drive and the proximity to that street, it sounded like we were sleeping in the kitchen of a 24 hour drive-in taco bell. Only the deaf would enjoy this room.

Now what these reviews are lacking for consistency:

• Cleanliness: Poor, there was dust, grime and mildew in every openly accessible corner. The wife won’t take her shoes off to come to bed.
• Smell: The mildew had mildew, and the air conditioner took 20 minutes to turn on
• Equipment: There was a refrigerator (yeah), which had only three legs and leaned forward so the door couldn’t open  (boo). And, it didn’t work.
• General Appearance: Stains on lampshades, paint peeling on the ceiling and damage to the door like someone took a crowbar to gain access when they lost their card key.
• Age: Somewhere in the 70′s mixed with 90′s Spanish east-side.

We rate this about a 1.2 and hope to never stay here again (of course, that excludes tonight.)

PS: Before someone takes this information and applies a little social engineering in order to get our address and try to rob us, I should add we left our adult children (one gun-toting boyfriend and one Aunt) to administer our home; with our two attack dogs.

PPS: The wife reminded me, “you get what you pay for,” which doesn’t mean I should stop whining!

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